”I wish there was a way to fully put in words what I am seeing with my eyes.”

Nothing could prepare a nurse for what she witnesses day-to-day.

“My first shift I suited up and walked into a converted COVID ICU where every single patient was COVID positive. Every single one was vented, proned, and simultaneously crashing. I saw family allowed at bedside only to say tearful ‘goodbyes’ and others making difficult decisions, such as code status and terminal extubation. In that same shift, I ran out of propofol, versed to keep my patients “comfortable”, had one on a portable vent because that’s all we had available, and used my own cell phone to allow a family to FaceTime with their loved one for the very last time.

I wore the same mask, gown, face shield and hair cover for over 14 hours with my name and title written on the forehead so people could at least put a name with the eyes under all that gear. At the end of my shift, I disarmed, putting all my ‘protective equipment’ in a brown paper bag, taped it to the wall with my name on it, along with hundreds of other nurses, physicians, CNAs and RTS. We will reuse all of them. I wish there was a way to fully put in words what I am seeing with my eyes. But I can’t, I just can’t. To process what I’m seeing, what I’m doing, cannot be explained. But I am so incredibly thankful to be able to contribute to the light in this time of darkness.” 

- Jess, Nurse, New York City, New York, USA